Friday, January 27, 2012

Hi! I'm so excited cuz these next few chapters are going to be awesome!!!! The next 3 chapters are all about Yumi!!! She's my all time favorite Nancy Drew character!!! YAY!!! Oh, (I feel like mentioning this!) it is snowing outside and it's sunny, it's so weird! Anyway, I definitely went a little exclamation point happy in the chapters with Yumi. She's just so fun, I couldn't resist! It's still no where near as much as in my regular posts.  Hope you enjoy it! =D

Chapter 8
            
            I left the Ryokan and took the train to Matsue which was were George’s expo was and supposedly were Yumi was. When I got there I found a bento stand that a girl who was brunette and was wearing all pink and red, with a big bow in her hair was running.
            
            “Hi, is your name Yumi?” I asked the girl.
            
            “Absolutely not! Who’s asking? It might be. Are you going to order? What’s your agenda here, stranger?” She asked.
            
            Ok, I thought, She’s a little bit strange…
            
            “I’m Nancy Drew,” I told her.
            
            “Nope, never heard of you but thank you for saying your name out loud. Oh, wait, Nancy Drew? As in Friends-With-Bess-and-George-and-staying-at-the-ryokan-Nancy-Drew? Or are there two of you? Which one is it?” She asked me, this was definitely Yumi.
            
            “That’s me. The… friends with Bess and George-“
            
            “Excellent. Yes. Perfect. Get over here. C’mon. You’re learning to make bento the Yumi way. C’mon trust me, it’s a life skill. Once you know how to make a good bento box, you’ve pretty much got the whole world figured out.” She told me.
            
            “Sure! Sounds good!” I said.
            
            “Fantastic! Here are the ingredients. You may notice that they run the gamut from pretty cute to insanely adorable. This is not an accident. Ok. Very easy. Customers will give you a list of what they want and how they want it organized, and you pack it together. You won’t believe how easy it is! Ok, I gotta go.” She said
            
            “Going? Where are you going?” I asked, surprised that she was leaving me in charge of her bento stand.
            
            “To the store Good Luck! You’ll do fine! I’ll be back soon!” She said as she was walking away.
            
            “Wait!” I shouted, but she didn’t hear me, “I guess I’d better get to work…” I said to myself.
            
            I put the bento box together and it was so cute! It had onigiri (rice balls) decorated as cats, bunnies, and little bears! As I finished it Yumi walked up.
            
           “Thanks for helping out, Nancy!”
           
            I thought now would be the perfect time to ask a few questions.
            
            “Could you tell me a little bit about the ryokan?” I asked.
            
            
            “I’m not into that sort of thing. Couldn’t you find a pamphlet?” she asked.
            
            “I was hoping for an insider’s opinion,” I told her.
            
            “Oh! I get it. You want the dirt on the situation, right?”
            
            “Yes, that’s it exactly.”
            
            “Interesting… You’re working some kind of angle here, aren’t you? Not that it matters, still way too busy to talk.”
            
            “I know you’re busy but I helped you out with the bento, and all I want is a little information.”
            
            “Okay. Surrounded by breathtaking views you’ll not soon forget – the ryokan Hiei opens the door to a simpler time. Perfect for the business traveler hoping to experience traditional Japan, or the family in search of that perfect vacation. Ryokan Hiei – discover Japan, discover you.
            
            “That’s… persuasive, but not exactly what I wanted to know.”
            
            “Isn’t it? That’s mine from year back. I was thinking of going into advertising, but then I thought – nah.”
            
            “I was hoping you could tell me a little about some of the strange things that have been happening.”
            
            “Aha! If you really want to know,” she started,” Oh no! I’m running out of bento boxes. Can you please go grab my back up stock from my apartment? This is the sort of thing that could move us from buddies to straight up besties!”
            
            “Sure,” I said. There was no point in arguing and I needed to know what was going on at the ryokan.
            
            “Great! It’s just over by the Kurume station. I could tell right away that we were gonna be friends. Here’s my key,” She told me. She dug a key out of her purse and handed it to me.
            
            “Oh, and PS, my number is 075-021-5855,” She said.
            
            “Ok, be right back!” I said.
            
            “See ya!”
            
            I left Matsue and took the train to Kurume. I braced myself for what I expecting to be a very interesting apartment…

This girl looks almost exactly like Yumi!!! =D

5 comments:

  1. Hey Sarah! It's Marissa Smylie from Facebook!
    You told me you wanted to see my stories when I had them posted somewhere. So here it is
    http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2765598/Future_HeR_Animator
    I'm Future HeR Animator :) :) :) please review and tell me what you think! BTW GREAT story

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  2. Hi Marissa! I love your story! I read the first chapter of it and it's great! I love how you incorporated ATAC in there! I love ATAC... haha! =D
    Anyway, I noticed a few typos but it wasn't anything huge. The kinda stuff everyone does. It's really hard to notice that stuff cuz it's the kind of stuff that brain automatically corrects. My dad taught me a trick. (I haven't actually tried it yet...) He told me to read it backwards so it's harder for your brain to auto correct stuff. (I hate auto correct...) I need to try that but I just don't have that much patience... I also like the way you're doing the dialogue! It's a lot easier than the traditional format!
    Thanks! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so much! I actually was planning on doing Blackmoor but something came up. I think that worked out for the best. I will do Blackmoor (and many others) someday though!!! =D

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  3. Thank you! Yeah, I re read a million times for typos, but things still slip past me. :P Good luck on your other stories! One more thing, NOT AT ALL trying to be mean, but maybe try changing the dialogue up some, not make it word for word like the game. I had plenty of trouble with that with my SHA story. I began again with different ideas, basing the story from the real book and a the game and other ideas in my head. So far it seems like a pretty good mix. Anyway, just something to keep in mind. Again NOT trying to be mean, I LOVE THIS STORY!

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  4. Your welcome! I can never find typos either!They're impossible! Thank you, I'm looking forward to writing more! It's totally fine! I really appreciate it! I want to be an author someday and I'm using these stories as a kind of practice so I'm enjoying the criticism! (NEVER thought I would say that... haha!)I'm trying to take more of what I, as Nancy, would have said. I'm trying not to go totally go with what I would have said though... that would be interesting... haha! =D

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  5. :) Nice! I wouldn't mind being an author, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna work at Her one day. :)haha, can't wait for your other chappies!

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